You have already won

Even though I write to help others, I still receive criticism. That’s ok. It comes with having the audacity to say what you want to say.

A common form of criticism goes like this:

"Whatever, Andy. It's easy for you to talk about changing our lives, finding a higher calling, and healing emotionally because you've already made it big! You’ve won. So now you get to sit on your pedestal and make proclamations about how to live. I don't buy it, and you've lost perspective. You’re a rich white man who couldn’t possibly understand what it means to struggle."

— A well-off techie making 6-figures a year

I disagree, but it's a fair response. Many a moon ago, I would have probably responded in a similar fashion reading the stuff I write. Still, it's come up a few times from others in the tech industry that read my ramblings. So, I figured I would address it head-on. And then I’ll move on to doing what I do without another moment of self-justification.

I’m going to answer this criticism from three angles.

  1. You’re missing the big picture

  2. Making it big is a false God

  3. I’m not trying to help everyone

First, let's get there through an exploration of the universe…

Google Maps for the Universe

Our universe is friggin' big.

The observable universe, which is the part of the universe that we can see, is about 95 billion light-years across. What does observable mean? Well, imagine you had a map. However, only a portion of the map was revealed. Meanwhile, the rest of the map is blacked out, with nothing to see. That's like our universe because we can only see a portion of the map, and the portion we can see is 95 billion light-years across.

This means that if you were to travel at the speed of light, which is 186,000 miles per second, it would take you 95 billion years to reach the edge of the observable universe.

WTF, right!? Yeah. It's that big.

However, the universe may be much larger than the observable universe. This is because the universe is expanding, and the light from objects that are far away from us has had time to travel further than the age of the universe. This means that we can see objects that are currently 46 billion light-years away, even though the universe is only 13.8 billion years old.

Furthermore, it is possible that the universe is infinite in size. However, we cannot know for sure how large the universe is because we can only see a small part of it. We have more work to do to unveil the full nature of our universe. But we can say for sure that it is unfathomably large.

Now, let's imagine this map of the universe was laid out in a format similar to Google Maps and that you could pinch and zoom in on it to narrow the view, beginning from the broadest aperture and zooming all the way into the Milky Way galaxy, which is where we live. Let's also imagine that the universe wasn't expanding and was fixed in size, thereby allowing us to zoom in.

If the universe was not expanding, it would take about 13.8 billion years to pinch and zoom in from the observable universe to the Milky Way galaxy. This is because the observable universe is 95 billion light-years across, and the Milky Way galaxy is only 100,000 light-years across. [Math: age = (1 / Hubble constant) 93 billion light-years ---> plugging in the Hubble constant, we get age = (1 / 67.8 km/s/Mpc) 93 billion light-years, therefore age = 13.8 billion years].

I'm not an astrophysicist, so my math may be wrong, but the point I'm trying to make is the following:

Our galaxy exists in a comically tiny portion of the full landscape of reality.

The story (zooming in) continues from there.

The Milky Way galaxy, which is our home galaxy, is about 100,000 light-years across and is one of about 2 trillion galaxies. From our perspective here on Earth, 100,000 light-years is also unfathomably large, yet minuscule compared to the observable universe and infinitely small in relation to the expanding universe.

Our galaxy is estimated to contain between 100 and 400 billion stars. The number of planets in the Milky Way is unknown, but it is likely that there are at least as many planets as stars.

So, to quickly recap:

  • The universe is potentially infinite. If not, it is so large as to render it infinite from our vantage point.

  • If we were to zoom into our home galaxy from the full aperture of the observable universe, as if we had google maps for it, it would take on the order of billions of years to accomplish.

We have more zooming in to do since we haven't yet reached Earth.

The Milky Way is about 100,000 light-years across, and Earth is located in a spiral arm about 26,000 light-years from the center. So, if we were to start at the outer edge of the galaxy and zoom in, it would take us about 100,000 years to reach the spiral arm and then another 26,000 years to reach Earth.

Let's imagine we do that...

"In 500 meters, turn right after taco bell. Your destination will be on the left." Thanks, Siri. It's good to be home here on Earth. That was a long ride!

The Improbability of Existence

Although we may be done zooming from the expanse of space, our journey isn't done.

We're here on Earth, but what are the odds that we're one of the few that have arisen into existence? How probable is it that we're one of the few whose consciousness woke up having never gone to sleep?

For one, humans do not produce all of the sperm and eggs they will ever have at once. Sperm are constantly being produced in the testes, and eggs are constantly being produced in the ovaries. Additionally, the rate of production decreases with age. For example, a man in his 20s produces about 100 million sperm per day, while a man in his 70s produces about 10 million sperm per day (give or take a bit, depending on which studies you look at and the assumptions you make.)

Additionally, not all of the sperm and eggs that are produced are viable. For example, about 1 in 100 sperm have some form of a structural defect, rendering them less likely to be able to fertilize an egg.

Finally, even if a sperm and egg are viable, they still need to meet in order to fertilize. This is a relatively rare event, as only about 1 in 400 sperm that enter the vagina actually fertilize the egg.

As a result of all of these factors, the probability of an individual person being born of all of the sperm and eggs a human ever produces is essentially zero.

The improbable probabilities don't end there.

We are wonderfully unique. Even twins have differences. A study published in the journal Nature Genetics in 2015 estimated that the probability of two sperm or egg cells having the same set of chromosomes is about one in 10^15, which is a million times greater than the number of stars in the Milky Way galaxy (1,000,000 x 100 - 400 billion = not gonna happen!).

So, not only are the odds of us being born profoundly rare, but when the bun comes out of the oven, we're one of a kind.

Our uniqueness upon birth is then further accentuated via epigenetics. Our life experiences flip certain genes off and on, triggering changes in who we are. We are born rare and shaped into an even rarer form because none of us go through life with the same collection of experiences. None of us.

And, once we somehow magically arrive into conscious existence by winning the rarest prize of the most competitive fight for existence, our survival on earth is tenuous.

Life only exists in a narrow window of latitude and longitude and environmental conditions. Life can only be sustained in a delicate balance where it can cautiously flourish.

For example, the Earth's surface is about 510 million square kilometers, and only about 15 million square kilometers, or about 3%, is inhabited by humans.

There are a few reasons why humans live on such a small fraction of the Earth's surface. First, much of the Earth is covered by water. The oceans cover about 71% of the Earth's surface, and most of this area is too deep for humans to live on. Second, much of the Earth's land is too cold, too hot, too dry, or too mountainous for humans to live on. Finally, humans have chosen to live in areas that are suitable for agriculture, which is the primary source of food for most of the world's population.

In other words, not only is your individual existence the result of the most improbable probabilities, but once you're here on this rock, you can only survive on a small sliver of it.

But that's not all on this journey...

The Best Time in Human History

You could have been born a few hundred or a few thousand years ago. If so, either you would be dead by the same age due to the harshness of life at that time. Or, if you were still alive, a shockingly large percentage of your friends and family would already be dead, and you would have suffered considerably along the way.

We can't imagine the suffering that people went through back then because we've designed such a cushy life for ourselves. Here are a few stats to sober you up.

  • Life expectancy has increased dramatically. In 1800, the average life expectancy was just 35 years. Today, it is over 70 years in most developed countries. This is due to a number of factors, including improved sanitation, nutrition, and healthcare.

  • The risk of dying from violence has decreased. In the past, people were much more likely to die from violence, such as war, homicide, and suicide. Today, the risk of dying from violence is much lower. This is due to a number of factors, including improved law enforcement, shifts in culture, and social welfare programs.

  • The risk of dying from infectious diseases has decreased. In the past, people were much more likely to die from infectious diseases, such as cholera, smallpox, and malaria. Today, the risk of dying from infectious diseases is much lower thanks to advances in medicine and public health.

  • The risk of poverty has decreased. In the past, a much larger percentage of the world's population lived in poverty. Today, the percentage of people living in extreme poverty has decreased significantly. This is due to a number of factors, including economic growth, social welfare programs, and foreign aid.

  • The risk of hunger has decreased. In the past, a much larger percentage of the world's population was undernourished. Today, the percentage of people who are undernourished has decreased significantly. This is due to a number of factors, including increased agricultural productivity, food aid, and social welfare programs.

  • The number of people living in slavery has decreased significantly. In 1800, it is estimated that there were over 250 million people living in slavery worldwide. Today, that number has decreased to less than 40 million. This is due to a number of factors, including international treaties, national laws, and social movements.

  • The number of women in political office has increased significantly. In 1995, women held just 11.3% of seats in national parliaments worldwide. Today, that number has increased to 25.7%. This is due to a number of factors, including the passage of quotas, the work of women's rights organizations, and the increasing recognition of the importance of women's representation in government.

  • The number of people who are able to express their opinions freely has increased significantly. In the past, people were often afraid to speak out against their government or criticize the status quo. Remember Copernicus? Yeah, he couldn't even talk about how the sun was the center of our solar system. Today, people are more likely to be able to express their opinions freely, thanks to the rise of social media and the increasing availability of information.

  • The number of people who have access to education has increased significantly. In the past, many children were denied access to education, particularly girls and children from poor families. Today, more children are able to attend school, thanks to the efforts of governments and non-governmental organizations.

In short, we live in the best of times; if you measure "the best" by access to opportunity and the unlikelihood you'll die a short and horrible death void of most of modern freedoms and gifts.

Huge x Improbable x Unlikely x Rare x Miracle

So, let's recap where we are at.

  1. We live on a nanoscopic speck floating in an impossibly large expanse.

  2. The likelihood that you're born at all is effectively zero.

  3. In the near-zero chance you are born, you are made entirely unique.

  4. We precariously sustain ourselves on a sliver of life-sustaining mass.

  5. We can easily argue that there is no better time to be alive than now.

And yet here you are, focused on me and the million dollars I made, suggesting to me that I'm the one that's lost perspective? That I'm the one that is missing the forest for the trees, unable to understand the plight of someone that grew up without wealth, as if I didn't start there at one point myself?

You've already won! We have all already won!

And you can wake up to that only if you're willing to unlearn and drop the false version of reality you hold in your head.

Can't you see that?

If you don't make that choice, despite the unthinkable prospect of consciousness that you already inhabit, then you will never be free.

If you insist on staying on the neverending treadmill of comparison to others, built on the faulty belief that the universe has conspired against you in ways that it hasn't to the rest of us, then there is no freedom for you.

You are already free but refuse to walk through the open door in front of you.

“Making it big” is a false God

I think everybody should get rich and famous and have everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that that's not the answer.

— an awakened Jim Carrey

You may think that I’m in no position to prognosticate about escaping the matrix and finding a new way in life because I’ve been successful.

Wrong.

I’m precisely the person to tell you because I nearly worked myself to death, avoiding decades-old emotional pain, only to discover what Jim Carrey and many others throughout human history had to discover as well:

“Winning” in a material sense is not the answer.

Yes, some amount of money is necessary. Of course. Make money. Save it. Invest it wisely. Build a war chest of security. Yet the bar of money you think you need is so much lower than you’re willing to consider or admit.

Go ahead. Make $1M or $2M dollars. Or make $10M if you think that’s necessary. Make it if you really feel that you must in order to be set free. Do it so that you can discover this truth for yourself.

Or take it from me, a cautionary tale that “making it” doesn’t give you the abiding peace and equanimity you’ve been seeking. It doesn’t resolve your repressed emotional pain. It doesn’t fix your bad health brought on by an unhealthy lifestyle. It doesn’t resolve the attachment issues that keep you from giving and receiving love. It doesn’t give you a sudden connection to a higher purpose or something beyond yourself worth defending with your life.

What it does give you is a lot of financial wiggle room to pursue finding the answer to the peace you seek. And that’s awesome. I have that wiggle room to pursue the answer. But it does not give you the answer itself. It is one large detour to discovering that the answer sits elsewhere.

Nonetheless, you can still choose to ignore me and the expensive lessons I’ve learned and pour yourself into the pursuit of more almighty dollars. And you can do so while simultaneously ignoring the full nature of reality, including the fact that you're here, and that's a fucking miracle.

But if you do, what I’m saying to you is that you've completely lost the plot in favor of a narrowly constrained illusion that you've concocted in your head. One that tells you that you need a large payday to finally become whole and live in accordance with what your intuition is begging of you.

I’m not trying to help everyone

Embedded in the lazy dismissals about the “rich white man” is the idea that I’m detached from reality. I’ve heard this veneered form of racism and sexism so many times in the last few years that it’s nauseating.

Wrapped up in it is the assumption that I have a huge blindspot that prevents me from seeing the plight of others and that many people live in profoundly unfavorable circumstances that I can’t see.

I’m aware of it. I saw it growing up. Nearly 25% of children in my hometown live below the poverty line. I went to school with them. Some were my buddies and teammates. Many were deeply troubled by 7th grade. I saw a kid get stabbed in the face after picking on “quiet Ricky” one too many times. My school principal got knocked out while intervening in a fight between rival gangs. The most popular girl in school swallowed a bottle of Tylenol in the bathroom. Countless times I was called “bitch ass white boy” and pushed, stepped on, or threatened. Despite what some of you idiots think, white people can be on the receiving end of racism.

A few kids in a local gang tried to jump me and rob me of my shoes several times. I didn’t let them because I had worked on my grandparent’s farm to earn the money to pay for them. They were mine. I earned them doing grown-man labor, and they were the only shoes I had. Good luck taking them from me, mother fuckers.

That was all in 7th grade, just a few years removed from my mom’s sudden death due to her mental illness.

Things weren’t always smooth for my family. We were barely getting by for several years following the death of my mom and the family's bankruptcy. At times, top ramen with a hardboiled egg is all we could afford for dinner. My dad often needed to sacrifice 20%+ of his paycheck to predatory payday lenders so we would have food before the next paycheck came in. A necessary evil.

Despite those setbacks, we worked through it. My dad went from school bus driver, maintenance worker, and farm laborer to the head of parks and recreation for the town I grew up in. It took him 25 years, but he did it.

My brothers also put their noses to the grindstone and have made their way in life, now working excellent jobs and providing for their families. And I’ve done the same through relentless hard work.

None of that occurred within the safe walls of private schools and wealthy neighborhoods. The greatest luxury we had in life was a superhero father who never gave up on us and on the pursuit of a comfortable middle-class life. Few of the troubled kids I referenced had that same luxury. I understand that. I’ve lived it.

So, if your criticism is not against the substance of my beliefs and opinions but is instead against my immutable characteristics of race and gender, you’re an asshole and a bigot. You’re one of the contemporary clowns who want to correct historic injustices of racism and sexism by being presently racist and sexist. You’re not fixing anything. You’re perpetuating a cycle.

Like the people who tried to steal my shoes, I’m drawing a line in the sand, and I’m telling you to go fuck yourself.

Or, for those of you lamenting that my life advice doesn’t work for everyone because some come from insurmountable circumstances, I agree with you. Yes, not everyone will overcome their awful conditions. It’s a brutal reality that appears throughout all of nature.

Yes, some people have a harder hill to climb than others. Yes, it will take tenacity and hard work to dig yourself out of what you perceive as a relatively unfair position. No, it won't be enjoyable and easy. Yes, you can step away from all of the stress and anxiety much sooner than your mind-made fears will admit. No, not everyone will be able to overcome their circumstances and achieve the life they dream of. Yes, many people can, so long as they quit their limiting beliefs and move forward in their life. No, grasping onto narratives of oppression will not help you in the long run, nor does that make you morally superior to others.

But I’m not trying to help everyone. I can’t! You can’t. No one can.

What I am doing is trying to help the people who I can most effectively help due to my unique path in life. I came from not very much, with occasionally tough circumstances that impacted my well-being, and through perseverance and the belief that I could change my life, I managed to do so. I wasn’t just a survivor. I am a thriver. I want to help others who believe the same for themselves and have thrived despite their circumstances.

THAT IS who I can help. THAT IS what I am doing. For the same reason that therapists often choose a specific type of patient they can help, I am doing the same. Personal relevance is a form of precision medicine. I’m being precise in who I speak to.

I’m speaking to high performers searching for a new life and a higher calling.

If there are other groups of people that you think need help, then I invite you to do something about it.

So, that’s it. That’s my answer to the naysayers.

  1. You’re missing the big picture

  2. Making it big is a false God

  3. I’m not trying to help everyone

I have nothing more to say on the subject, and I’m ready to move forward doing the work that I do.

Let's end this journey with poetry. Take it away, Carl Sagan.

“Look again at that dot,” they wrote. “That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it, everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every ‘superstar,’ every ‘supreme leader,’ every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust, suspended in a sunbeam.”

Carl Sagan

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